wesleynotponcy | The Hyperion Hotel | Los Angeles, CA

There were times -- like, for example, watching a pregnant vampire go into labor -- when Wesley had no choice but to look back upon what his life was like five, six years ago and wonder how in the world he'd gotten to this point.

Angel	"How long since the last contraction?" Angel asked, re-entering the room with a glass of blood and a hot towel.
Fred	"About twenty minutes," Fred reported. "They're still real irregular."
Darla	"Something's wrong," Darla moaned, holding her stomach. "The pain--"
Angel	"You like pain," Angel reminded her, proving himself once more to be the very personification of decorum.
Darla	"This is different," Darla insisted. "I want it out. Now."
Wesley	"That's exactly what's happening, Darla," Wesley said, assuming an authoritative tone as it seemed that no one else around here was going to do it. "You're in the first stage of labor."
Angel	"Labor. That's, that's good, right?" Angel, well, flailed, at least as much as he ever did. "How long does it usually last?" Someone here had never thought he'd need to know this pesky human trivia...
Wesley	"It varies," Wes said. "On average, about eighteen hours." Which he knew from classes. Biology classes. It wasn't that he'd ever thought he'd need to know this.
Darla	Darla did not look pleased with that news, and, indeed, tried to force herself up and out of the armchair she was sprawled in. "Eighteen hours? No! That's too long."
Angel	"All right, easy, easy," Angel cautioned her, setting a hand on Darla's shoulder and guiding her toward the bed. "Lie down." Once Darla was on her back, he offered her the hot towel he'd brought with him, then glanced toward the door where the others were already exiting the room. "I'll be right back," he said, and left, closing the door behind him. Then he was all business. "Guys," he said, "we got to figure out what's inside of her now. Before it skitters out." It wasn't that he didn't know Darla had extra-strength vampire hearing, it was more that he was pretty certain she wasn't going to take offense.
Gunn	"We should get a demony doctor in here," Gunn suggested. "You know, one who understands how vampire girl parts work." Cordy shot him a look, and he added, "You know what I mean."
Cordelia	"Well, didn't she already try that whole shaman, voodoo, witch doctory thing?" Cordy pointed out.
Fred	At Angel's nod, Fred offered, "I don't suppose she ever went to like a normal doctor or a hospital?"
Gunn	It was probably a mark of how stressful this whole situation was for everyone that Gunn just dismissed that offhand when usually any suggestion from Fred would be immediately taken into consideration. "Hey, there's an idea," he said. "Oh, wait. They don't admit vampires."
Angel	Angel, on the other hand, was looking at Fred like she'd just solved the whole problem for them. "Who says we have to admit?"
Wesley	"Of course," Wesley agreed earnestly. "We don't need a doctor. We just need the right equipment." Again: biology classes. That was all.

The race to the nearest teaching hospital and stealth required to commandeer a classroom without attracting any attention required a great deal of effort on everyone's part, but none more than Wesley, who was somehow stuck with the task of analyzing the ultrasound. Because that was what he was really great at.

Wesley	It took a few minutes of squinting at the grainy image on the screen, but finally he came to a conclusion. A shaky, skeptical one, but a conclusion. "It's... it's human," Wesley said slowly.
Gunn	"Human as in humanoid?" Gunn asked. "As in cannibalistic humanoid underground dwellers?"
Wesley	"No," said Wesley, not even sounding that certain himself. "As in... a boy."
Angel	"A boy?" Angel repeated. He'd been expecting the underground-dwellers, maybe even something demonic but shaped differently altogether, but...
Wesley	Yes, Wesley was more sure now. "A boy," he repeated. Then, turning to Darla, he smiled a bit and said, "You're carrying a boy." Not that he had lost sight of the fact that this baby might well be the world-ending Tro-Clon from the Nyazian scrolls, but it was among the nicer things she could have been carrying, all things considered.
Darla	Darla either didn't care or was doing an excellent job of presenting that image. "Great," she said dryly.
Angel	"A boy," Angel repeated, smiling slightly to himself. "I'm gonna have a son."
Fred	"Uh, guys," Fred piped up. "As fascinating as an ultrasound image of an unborn child may appear, you should--"
Angel	"Me," Angel interrupted her, grinning more broadly now. "A father. A son. You know what that means?"
Fred	"We're surrounded by vampires?" Fred suggested.
Angel	"No, it's a human boy," Angel corrected her, before her words resonated more clearly and he slowly turned away from the monitor to look around the room. "Oh. We are surrounded by vampires."
Cordelia	Cordy cleared her throat. "Um, so... who has a plan?" she inquired casually.
Gunn	As Wesley quietly and with as few motions as possible began unhooking the ultrasound machine, Gunn took a step forward. "Don't let 'em kill us seems like a good first step," he suggested, flicking a knife open that he'd just slipped out of his pocket. "Run!"